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Thanks again to all of you who regularly read my blog. It’s funny, writing for the world to see, but not really knowing if anyone reads it. If nothing else, it’s a good way to process—putting things down on paper.

The penny drive is going really well. The kids at church that are participating seem pretty excited. I’ve given out around 125 bottles. It’s especially cool when kids come in on Sunday morning, bursting at the seams with excitement, and pumped to announce the total amount they raised that week. So far, the winner comes in at $69! Some are even canvassing their neighborhoods asking for change! It’s neat to see how involved they are getting and connected they feel. The innocence reflected in their questions and the awe in their eyes is beautiful.

Because my departure date is fast approaching, there are lots of little things on the list that have to get done. Changing banks, renewing passports, lining up medications and vaccinations, airfare and packing, just to name a few. I’m trying to learn to just write it down on the list and then not carry it on my shoulders until it’s crossed off. While I am so thankful for my job, and the income and experience it’s providing me, that is just another hurdle that must be overcome, as it takes up 4 full days of the week.

Taking it to a more emotional level, I’ve been a little discouraged lately. God is providing the financial support I need. He’s paving the way in so many other important areas. My church family is rallying behind me and showing great enthusiasm and support. But this is a very lonely road. I think back to all the friends I made at “Missionary Training International”—a school that provides 3-week-long training courses for missionaries from all organizations. There were so many couples and whole families that had each other to walk with down this new, scary, difficult and exciting road. While I do have a great support network of family and friends, and many friends from college in the same situation, when it’s boiled down, I’m (humanly-speaking) in this alone. I don’t have a family member traveling with me. I can’t pass half the “to-be-written” thank-you’s to anyone. I can’t delegate researching International ATM withdrawal fees to my husband or friend. The burden of networking and communication rests on me alone. I have chosen to take this adventure on, and have to stand strong under the resulting pressure of responsibility and change.

It’s difficult to ward off feelings of being misunderstood. It’s also easy to see things that you already think are there. I sometimes get the impression that people see full-time international missions as a sort of cop-out. They couldn’t make it in the world, so they had to move somewhere else. Or they’re running from commitment and real life. They’re just seeking adventure. Yes, this is a narrow-minded view of missions, but the scary part is that I see it more in Christians that non-believers. The reality of my situation, and the situation of many other missionaries, single or married, is that they are making so many untold sacrifices and enduring so many “unnecessary” hardships. They work before they leave to raise their support, then work on the field to earn their support. They leave behind their families, their culture, their comfort to embrace a totally new way of life. But: with the inconveniences, there come an abundance of rewards and blessings that make it worth it. I’m reminded of the verse in Matthew 19:29 “And everyone who has left houses or brothers or sisters or father or mother or children or lands, for my name’s sake, will receive a hundredfold and will inherit eternal life.”

Don’t hear me as complaining. I’m not. But I’m also not going to go along with the stereo-type. Missionaries, just like pastors and parents, are just people too. We struggle, we don’t always “feel” like Christians, and we don’t always carry a bible in our back-pockets. We’re not running from responsibility, but rather embracing the responsibility that God has placed on our lives, and gives us the grace to bear daily.